Dear Group Leaders and Friends in Christian Meditation,
November is the traditional time when many of us keep close to our hearts those who have died. We can think of our commemorations of All Saints as we began our month and its twin remembrance of All Souls. Many of us remember our loved ones by visiting their graves, bringing flowers and saying prayers. We pray for those who have gone before us, and we ask them to pray for us. There is an eternal mutuality of prayer in the communion of saints as they encouraged us on in our own lives of discipleship.
When I woke up this morning, I saw a missed call from South Dakota. The call was notifying me that someone that I love died. He was someone that I knew for as long as I can remember, but at the same time didn’t know. We were friends from the time he was adopted. I recall a remark from my mom, who was a bowling partner of my friend’s soon-to-be mom, that: “They are getting their boys.”
My friend had the opposite of a charmed life. He came from a pained early life with drugs in the family as well as prison terms. I never knew all the details, I just saw the pain, even in my young eyes. Although my friend was a part of my life growing up, as we aged we became very different people. He worked as a cook, even becoming a chef. He traveled to California when we were young adults as well as Alaska. He always followed his heart.
In the late spring of this year, he found out that he had a daughter and a granddaughter from a relationship years ago and that they were living in South Dakota. He left immediately, seeking the family that he always desired. Last month, I was called by a hospital in Sioux Falls informing me that my friend was in the ICU and I needed to consent for treatment since I was his power of attorney. I never knew that I was his POA and yet I was not surprised. He had an estranged ex-wife, a recent significant other and a brother with addictions and a track record of pain. Then there were a handful of us from his childhood that loved our friend. It was a small, but fiercely loyal group. We loved our friend for who he was, and we were aware of how far he had come in his life. He knew that I loved him, and I knew that he loved me. These days of accompanying my friend through his illness, into hospice, and into eternal life, strained my heart. Even though I believe in eternal life in the reign of God, I think of lost opportunities to love, to be present to my friend. It was a sad reminder when I have lost attention for even someone as close to me as a brother.
I remember Father Laurence Freeman saying in one of his teachings that “we pay attention to that which we love.” I can say that I have loved my friend, but it faltered as life got busy. He has always been in my heart and I in his, I am sure. After receiving word of my friend’s death, I wrote on a small piece of paper: “Pay attention to the mantra, pay attention to people. Listen to the mantra, listen to people.” Paying attention, as we all know through our own experience of meditation, is not always easy. We get easily distracted in our meditation and in our lives. Meditation is a training ground to strengthen the muscle of attention as has been taught in our Christian meditation tradition. Paying attention to the mantra shows us the way of paying attention to people. Listening to the sound of the mantra helps us to grow in our ability to listen to others and not get stuck in our own distractions. I listened to Father Laurence say in a talk online this morning, “to be spiritual is to be loving.” Our meditation is a practice not simply for my own selfish self, but to continually draw me closer to loving God, loving neighbor and loving my friend who now prays for me in the reign of God.
We each have our own Sunday practices for worship in ways that suit us. My wife and I attend a local Episcopal Church. There are days when we can’t attend, so we participate in the Sunday Contemplative Eucharist at Bonnevaux, our center for peace and meditation in France. It is available to be streamed or participated in later. It is a good way to take some silence and stillness along with a beautiful Mass. If you haven’t had the opportunity to experience this Mass, I would encourage you to give it a try. It is like a short retreat from our own home. To join the Contemplataive Eucharist on Sunday mornings Paris time, use this link (joining with your Zoom account): Bonnevaux Sunday Mass. To view a webcast of a recorded Mass, use the following link: Contemplative Eucharist webcasts.
As we continue along with this November, remembering our loved ones, the saints, known and unknown, I hold in my heart my friend and all those who have gone before us celebrating the reign of God.
Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let Your perpetual light shine upon them. May their souls and the souls of all the faithful departed rest in peace.
Amen.
Warmly,
Kevin Maksym
